Two Different Me's
What is it about writing that makes me want to write more?
The quality or condition of being dual.
An instance of opposition or contrast between two (2) concepts or two (2) aspects of something; dualism.
Am I a different person when I write or am I just amplified? Written me and spoken me can often feel like two different people. Spoken me can feel clumsy, erratic, off-beat. Whereas, written me can feel elegant, composed, graceful. Her words match her actions and she only writes what she means. Spoken me often fumbles over the sounds and pours too much out, spilling out of her throat like vomit. She cares too much about what people will think and how she will be perceived; learned behaviors. She spurts fractured sentences with metaphors covered in sugar as not to offend. She cares more about feelings than truth. She hasn't fully learned that silence speaks volumes. She was raised to bite her tongue, so she wields it freely and sometimes recklessly as an adult.
But when that pen touches paper and ink flows out, her heart bleeds and eloquence leaks. She is the master of her environment and she is in her element. Here, sugar is descriptive imagery, not half-truths barricaded by fluff to soften the blow of information designed to wipe out a disease. Here, she is free. She runs through college-ruled meadows and skips across spiraled wire. Here, she can breathe. Here, the weight of the world feels paper-thin. All with the glide of her pen.